Now...... Forever Mom is overweight and has joint problems because of her weight. Husband, Youngest Sister and I all told her that this might not be the best vacation for her because all you do in Vegas is walk. I guess my mother "didn't think fat meat was greasy" (Forever Mom LOVES that saying) and went anyway. Did I also mention that Forever Mom is also deathly afraid of flying AND is claustrophobic? Oh this definitely made for a great vacation.
The day of departure comes. I drop Forever Mom and Oldest Sister off at the airport and off they go into the sky. From Chicago, Youngest Sister is updating Facebook real time. Misspelling words all over the place and finally, she admits she's been drinking since 7am preparing to be drunk for her flight because she too, is deathly afraid of flying. Self medicating at its best. Oh Lawd! But everyone gets to Vegas safe and sound. Thank God!
According to Youngest Sister, Forever Mom comes out the plane complaining every excruciating pre-arthritic, obese step of the way. "It's hot. I can't walk. I can't breathe. I ain't trying to spend a whole bunch of money. Where's the buffet? The buffet's how much?!? Can't we do something in my hotel? Across the street? I can't walk that far. Once I get across the street I'm gonna have to walk another 30 minutes through the casino! I'm gonna take a taxi. Why won't they drop me off on the corner? They only will take me to a hotel? That doesn't make sense! I'm hot. I'm just gonna stay in the hotel room." Mom is stressing Youngest Sister.I call Forever Mom and ask her how it's going. "Oh! We're having a wonderful time! The food is great. There is a good amount of walking but I'm holding up." I just laugh a little on the inside. That's mom. I check in with Youngest Sister and again she as a story. This time about Oldest Sister. Oldest Sister is also overweight. The overweight things is something that has plagued the women in our family for generations. We are beautiful women but at some point in time (usually after childbirth) we all gain weight. Some lose it, some fall somewhere in the middle of skinny and not so skinny (that's me) and some just go full throttle obese. But I digress. Oldest Sister wants to go to Victoria's Secret. But there's a problem. It's across the street too.
Youngest and Cousin from Cali (who also came with her mom, Forever Mom's sister, husband, and son) warned Oldest Sister it was a decent walk. Oldest says she can swing it. 5 minutes from the promised land of lacy underwear, padded bras, and seductively named fragrances, Oldest Sister gives up. "I can't f&%^$n' do this! It's too f#@&*n' far! What the f#@k! I need a mother f*#$%n' taxi cab" Youngest attempts to calm her down but there is no subduing the angry exhaustion beast that has emerged from the depths of my sister's raging and aching feet. Cousin from Cali is obviously uncomfortable with this outburst; not knowing that this is my oldest sister's baseline in life. Youngest sister tells Oldest Sister that the taxi cab hub is farther away than the secrets Victoria holds and sarcastically gives her turn by turn directions to the taxi hub. There's some more cursing and yelling and Oldest Sister is off. Sweet Cousin from Cali asks "You're going to make up before dinner right?" to which Youngest Sister answers "F*^% her!" Oh mi familia!
Everyone who went reported there were good times interspersed with the angry banter that knows my family all too well and sooner than not, their time in Vegas came to an end. No new millionaires. Forever Mom didn't even gamble. Every one checked out of their respective hotels with lighter pockets and fuller bellies.
But there were still the plane rides home.....
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