The Queen of Pee

Pee stain by Youngest

I Know My Youngest Son is Not a Territory - Marking Alley Cat. I know he isn't. So why does he keep peeing on different carpets throughout my house?!? Now, he is three but has been potty trained now for the past six months. But all of a sudden, he's peeing everywhere except the toilet. It is infuriating! I'm no stranger to the perils of potty training. Eldest used to like to wait until we were in the van, mid trip on the highway, right past the rest stop to have a body- thrashing-high-pitched-squeal potty emergency. The first couple of times I totally freaked out with him; erratically pulling over to the side of the road so he could make it 2 inches from the blanket of plush grass waiting to receive what he had to offer, only to pee all over himself! Yeah. Stopped doing that quickly. It got so bad we took him to the doctor and gratefully found nothing physiologically wrong. So, we took precautionary measures. He peed before we left, peed if we stopped for anything, peed when he didn't have to pee. But still he would get utterly hysterical. The potty "emergencies" quickly stopped after I got clever one day and said "Pee on yourself. We're not stopping."

 I know sometimes children regress but this is a bit much. Yesterday I heard him peeing on the baseboard. It's a very distinct sound; one you'll never forget if you are so blessed to hear it. When I went to see what on God's glorious earth I was hearing, I saw the urine beading down the baseboard onto the carpet creating a golden pool of human liquid byproduct. Last week he peed in the playroom just standing and looking at me as the pee trickled down his leg. Doesn't he have any sense????? Haven't I taught him better than to pee in weird places? At least do it in a random parking lot or on a tree or out the open sliding door on the minivan. That I can understand. But a carpet? Oh, that's so malicious. Where did I go wrong?!?

Tonight not but 10 minutes ago, he met me in the living room with damp underwear. It was an
understandable leak. I told him to go to the potty and I heard it again! That very distinct sound of piss hitting the rug that is RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE TOILET. I cared a little less, knowing it was Forever Mom's rug, but still! It's the principle of it all. He was literally maybe a centimeter away from the toilet.

Now that I'm thinking about it, when he turned and started making his way toward the bathroom, I saw a little smirk come across his face! He's doing this on purpose!!!!!! He's deliberately peeing on the carpet. He delights in this. I think Eldest and Youngest have meetings where they discuss who will be the primary misbehaver that particular day. Because when Eldest has a phenomenal day, Youngest's day sucks! Just like today. Youngest- peeing on everything, but Eldest asked to stay up late to finish a "very special project".

Me, the Queen of Pee

Eldest gave me a self-authored, self-illustrated book, made from the 2 sheet of printer paper I begrudgingly allowed him to have (yeah, I definitely was a jerk about it) titled I Love You momy and DaDy! It also came with a diamond-studded crown (please see the picture to the left). Who is this child?!? I think Jesus knew Youngest was going to pee on the carpet. Jesus knew and probably giggled a little in a very reverent and Jesus-y kinda way. But because He's Jesus and, to lessen the insulting blow of having to clean up some more piss; He, through Eldest, gave me a crown and a thank you book. I really am appreciative but tonight, I'm the Queen of Pee.

The Book Eldest Penned. Amaeeeezing!
(A couple of strategic edits have been made)