This week I've been a nervous wreck! It's not godly. I'm ashamed to say this whole possible moving thing has really rocked my little world. I have been looking for homes online, driving in neighborhoods prowling for "for rent" signs planted on pretty lawns I can imagine seeing our family in. I've had insomnia. My average knock out time this week has been 3am. I wake up by 7:30 to get Eldest ready for school. I've been a Nervous Nelly. My level of anxiety has actually surprised me!
While I was making a random search in the early evening one night last week, I stumbled (through a series of links I was not able to retrace) across this cute little home in a suburb north of the city I live in that sang to me from the screen. 3 bedrooms- I need that! 2 baths- I need that! Good neighborhood- I don't need that but Forever Mom thinks she does so, it's a plus. Pets OK- Uh-Oh will be happy that this listing doesn't threaten her residency with us. Under $1000/mo- No way! I called and left a message. Then I started the waiting game.......
Tick tock tick tock.........the weekend. Tick tock tick tock........Monday. Tick tock tick tock........Tuesday. Dang it! I missed her call! Crap. Lemme leave a message. "Hey this is Fiery Wife. I like that house you're renting. I wanna see it! Call me back." Tick tock tick tock.....Wednesday. Tick tock tick tock......Thursday morning. "Hey this is Fiery Wife again. Please give me a call back. I wanna take a look at the property. You don't know this, but I've already trolled the neighborhood, and talked to the neighbors and they seem pretty cool. I wanna tell 'em about Jesus after we get friendly. And I really wanna find some place to live before it gets cold. Oh yeah and did I mention our current landlady has gone ghost and I haven't had any contact with her for nearly 3 weeks? Did I also mention I won't be depositing any rent in her bank account until I do hear something from her? I need this house! I need it! I'm scared! I also noticed that the property has a basement. I don't care if it's finished or not. All you need is a rug and some toys to make a play room anyway. Please give me a call back so I can schedule an appointment. Have a great rest of the day and hope to hear from you soon! Byeee." I hope she couldn't hear all that behind my cheery message. Tick tock tick tock.......Friday. "Hey again. It's me. You probably already know my voice.... you know what I want and I've called three separate times. I thought you wanted to rent the place?!? Please give me a ring at your earliest convenience. Have a wonderful day." Well, those were the messages I left in my head. My actual messages were more boring and polite.
After all that really good stalking (encouraged by a fellow fiery wife), I missed her call. She left a message and said there would be an agent showing the property at 1pm. I know what that means- Competition. Crap! My stomach was in knots. I could feel my chest tightening up. Twice this week, two different people have sent me the "be still and know that I am God" scripture. I've been trying to varying degrees of success. After I found this listing, I stopped looking for other houses and just asked God to make it clear if this was the home for us. He made me wait until Friday so He could reinforce His message in my heart- "be still and know that I am God". I'm being refined by fire. The crucible. I hate the crucible but love how I come out- more focused on God.
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| photo credit- http://www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/ |
I saw the house. It was a nice little house. It had weird wallpaper in the bathrooms but, overall, it wasn't bad. The basement was unfinished but it actually was in decent shape. Nothing a few curtains, area rug and cool furniture couldn't remedy. I put my application and deposit down with 3 other people. That anxiety crept back up on me. I gotta keep my eyes on God. He's got this.
God does this to us often. He makes situations so that Husband nor I can take any credit for what just happened. Time and time again, He's more clever than us.He's more on-time than we could ever be; and he knows exactly what we need and how we need it. "Be still and know that I am God Fiery Wife."
I cried in front of my husband. He encouraged me to give my fears and anxieties to God. One of my bestest of friends called me from Chicago. She had been praying for me; talking to God about me today. She asked God to give me stability by means of a residence. God told her "I am her stability." I'm grateful she was obedient and shared those words with me. I needed to hear that. They were right on time. I cried some more.
God is my Rock. I can hide behind Him. He can weather storms that would leave me bloodied and mangled by life's shore. When you hide behind something, typically you hunker down and get real close to them. It's like I've been behind God, running in circles, flailing my arms, and yelling really loud. Can you say counterproductive? God's like "Be still and know that I am God. I am your stability. Not this potential house. Not the one you're in or the apartment you were in before. Stop flailing about, hunker down, and get close to me. I got you! I am home."
Ok God. I'm going to praise you in advance. I praise you if we get this house because it will totally be you and only you who allowed it to happen. I praise you if we don't get this house because my security doesn't dwell within those four walls; it dwells in You! And if you said no to this, that means you got something way better for me and my family. I got some more waiting to do. Monday we're supposed to have an answer. Readers, I'll let you know how it goes.
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