An Open Letter to Janay Rice

Janay,

My heart broke for you and your family upon seeing the now infamous video. It turned my stomach and physically pained me to see you had endured that type of brutality at the hands of someone you love and supposedly loves you. I know your husband has been villainized in the public eye and now because of the public's outcry about the incident, your husband has lost his job. It is sad and utterly unfortunate that the sins of one would reverberate so far and wide. I'm sorry that the emergence of this new footage has scraped up an incident you thought you began to heal from. I'm sorry that you feel assaulted again.

There are some of us out there that gain nothing but a heavy heart from being witness to what was one of the darkest moments of your life. We saw things that usually stay buried in the recesses of some unfortunate couples' closets; almost never seeing the light of truth; until it's too late. Until the story is not of an indefinite suspension and counseling program, but the funeral of a beautiful young woman who had "so much to offer", and the murder trial of a once "promising young athlete" similar to Cherica Adams and Rae Carruth.

In that horrible horrible video Janay, many of us saw our sisters, mothers, aunts, and best friends being assaulted and we were angered and outraged. We later heard your apology while sitting next to your husband and heard the believable excuses of a thousand battered women swelling; overflowing and oozing from the gashes and various other wounds on their bodies and in their spirits. You are not the first and definitely won't be the last to excuse your abuser's behavior. You are not the first to take the blame but I want you to know you couldn't have done anything to provoke the cowardly and merciless act that rendered you unconscious.

Janay, this video may have saved you no heartache but it's publication (whatever the reason behind its release) may have saved your life! I do understand your frustration that your situation to some, was merely a sensational, money making, capital venture that left you victimized again; picking up the pieces of your husband's now obliterated career and your dignity off that elevator floor. How lowly and base a person has to be to gain from your pain. But now, we, the public are forced to deal with this and cannot hide behind the All American sport of football with it's "good ol' boys" unwritten rules that say only address problems if they're exposed by sleazy irreputable news sources like TMZ.  I cannot imagine the immense amount of pain you must feel.

I am distraught that instead of rallying around you Janay, many fellow women have taken this opportunity to berate, bash, and malign you and your decisions. Shame on them for being so anonymously flippant in their comments underneath articles that could never tell the whole story. Shame on them for publicly cursing you from the cozy cocoon of their Facebook pages. Shame on the memes and insensitive quips and jokes made at the expense of your humaness. How is it we live in a day and age where the victims continue to be victims over and over and over again? Once by their attacker, second by the judicial system often, and third by the court of public opinion. I guess "First World" doesn't equal "First Class". I dare say the ones that are so vocal in their criticisms of you may also be suffering their own silent torment (be it past or present) and have used you as the proverbial whipping boy to deflect from their own abusive situations.  What a sad and crippling cycle abuse can suck people into.

Respectfully, no one would want to walk a mile much less the length of a floor tile in your shoes. So, on behalf of you Janay Rice, I ask every decent, compassionate human being to rest their stones for a moment of silence amid a stadium's worth of incessantly empty commentary on your life. We will never come close to knowing the pain you suffer. And once that pregnant pause passes, I ask all women, men, and anyone in-between with voice, to stand up and fight for those whose voices have been stripped, manipulated, and beaten from them. From victim to victor is my prayer for you Janay.

Best Wishes for you and your family,
Fiery Wife

Emotional, Sexual, and Physical abuses are never OK. If you are suffering abuse please visit: http://www.thehotline.org/ or call 1-800-799-7233. If you suspect a loved one is suffering abuse please visit: https://www.dosomething.org/actnow/actionguide/help-someone-your-community-who-experiencing-verbal-emotional-or-physical-abuse

Sickle Cell Awareness Month!!!!!Cleverly Changing Interview Questions

Kids, we're taking a field trip today!!!!!I had the honor of being interviewed by Elle from Cleverly Changing. I love what Elle is doing over there!!!! Please check out the interview regarding Sickle Cell Disease, being of mixed ethnicities,Youngest Son, and how our family is learning to deal with this disease. Enjoy!

Fiery Wife's Sickle Cell Interview at Cleverly Changing

Sunday Brunch- On a Tuesday!

Monday was the day we found out if we were approved to rent the house. If you don't know what I'm talking about, read this, then, read this. The whole day I caught waves of nausea. But God my Rock came through every time the unsettled feeling in my stomach rose up. I prayed, and it would go away. When it came back I prayed again; and again, He would take it away. I learned many things from this experience that I hope encourages you and spurs you on in your current situations.

God my Storm Catcher 
Ned Flanders is not the poster boy for true Christian living! If anything, being a follower of Christ opens you up to more strife and persecution than if you weren't one. Paul is a great example of this. Saul (Paul before he was transformed) was a Pharisee. He was a Roman Citizen and lived a fairly cushy life. Being a Pharisee, he wasn't the richest of rich like the Saducees, but definitely wasn't scrounging around for his food. After Jesus' death, resurrection, and ascension into heaven, Paul suffered many hardships. 2 Corinthians 11:16-33 attests to his suffering. After he accepted Jesus as the true Messiah, he was beaten, whipped, stoned, imprisoned and shipwrecked multiple times. But still he endured for Christ's sake and the furthering of the gospel message. My storm (more like a cloudy day compared to Paul's issues) came and now it's over. The relief I feel is tremendous, but we need the storms to grow our perseverance, trust, and faith in God my Storm Catcher. I feel stronger and wiser for the trial.

God My Shield and Stability 
My instinct as a human is to try to figure things out on my own. I'm getting better at this and relying on God more but God doesn't want me to rely on Him 75%, or 99.99%. He wants me and you to rely upon him 100% of the time with 100% of our issues be they good, bad, or somewhere in the middle. So during this trial (the whole house situation) I got the idea that I needed God's help in figuring out what our house situation was going to be. What I didn't get is that when you're hiding behind God, you can't be flailing about making a whole bunch of noise! I was hiding behind God like my youngest son hides when he's playing hide and seek- not very well! One time, youngest hid underneath the couch cushions; legs hanging out giggling. That was me in this most recent storm. Well, minus the giggling. I think I did more crying than anything. I'm almost certain God was lovingly laughing at me while I did this.
The reason we should hide behind God is because He's the only one that can wholly shield us from the arrows of the the evil one (Psalm 91:1-4). So finally after a couple of well place txt messages from two different friends that sent me Psalm 46:10- "Be still and know that I am God" and a word another friend had for me (God and nothing else is my stability.) I finally realized that I had to stop freaking out. The ugly cry doesn't look good on me and I was getting in the way of God my Shield and Stability, working in my life.

God My Only Truth 
In our waiting to hear back from the realtor, our neighbor pulled us aside after hearing we were desperately trying to contact our land lady. He shared with us that she said she wanted to move back into the house. He knew of no "owner occupy" clause in mortgages and in his opinion, we had really taken care of the place and she liked the improvements we made so much (which was some landscaping changes, strategically placed furniture, and 5 gallons of paint) that she wanted to live there again. He's also a little older and loves to tell stories. I don't think he was lying. I think he, in his haste to be a good neighbor; to help us out, took a conversation he had with her out of context or embellished the truth. But I was in such a vulnerable space that I was tempted to believe his words as absolute truth. I was tempted to be angry at my landlady. I was tempted to be filled with hate and contempt for everything that was going on and not only harbor ill will and feeling for my land lady but also be nasty toward my family. That's how the enemy works. Rumors and idle talk are dangerous because it can spread and fester like a horrible cancer and cause bad feelings where none are needed. Husband pointed out that he was nice but elderly and to take his words with a grain of salt. God reminded me, through my husband,to stay focused on Him because He is the Truth (John 14:6). So after another cry (I've been a total mess) I wiped my eyes and set my gaze upon God my Only Truth.

God My Answer
I like to learn from past experiences. I try not to make the same mistake twice. In the past, I've prayed for things fervently hoping upon hope that God would grant me my heart's desire. Sometimes He did answer my prayer in the way I asked and I was elated. And sometimes he didn't answer my prayer at all or the outcome of the situation was not what I expected. Often when the latter occurred, I was sour. What I prayed for was good. Why wouldn't He give me my desires? God is not a genie in a bottle; He's not an ATM. He's not any of the things our sinful nature has reduced Him to. He's God. He's sovereign. He's just and He right. All the time. He often doesn't answer my prayer in the way I desire because what he has for me is far greater than I can imagine!
So this time, my prayer was simple- "I want what You want (Mark 14:36, Luke 22:42). If it's Your will that we be approved for this new house, then amen! If we don't get approved, then amen. That means what You have for us is better! Either way, I will praise You because no matter the outcome, You answered my prayer."
You're wondering if we were approved. We were not. Amen! Hallelujah! Praise Be to God! You answered my prayer! God my Answer showed up and shut the door! Woo hoo!!!!!!!!   

God My Shelter
Immediately after the realtor called. A sense of calm and peace came over me. But we still hadn't heard from our land lady. Well, today after an evening of teaching kids how to play the piano, I roll up in the driveway and there is Land Lady sitting, talking with my husband on the front porch. She informs us she doesn't have a phone at the moment. She cancelled her phone plan in preparation to travel long term to Sierra Leone; where she is originally from. But in the wake of the Ebola outbreak, she cannot fly out of the States to her homeland. We knew she was making these preparations. She's been talking about traveling for a year now. She has been stressed about the whole house situation and doesn't want us to leave. It seems, Nosy, our next door neighbor may have had it wrong (I still reserve the right to change that statement if anything happens in the near future). I write her the rent check. I now know what's going on. So for right now, we will literally be still. I will stop looking for houses and continue to dwell in the place that I presently call home. God my Shelter (Psalm 91) remained constant and in tact when I didn't know where our earthly shelter was going to be.

I will continue to pray and seek His goodness no matter what the situation. God showed me His many names through this trial I went through (most of which was an internal trial).

Sunday Brunch happens every Sunday as a spiritual encouragement for readers of the Fiery Wife blog. Come back next week and see what God is serving up for you to eat. "Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! (Ps. 34:8)"

Be Still and Know that I am God Fiery Wife!

A few years back, I prayed a prayer to have radical faith. When I prayed that prayer, openly, in front of Husband, he said he shuddered. He said I prayed a scary prayer. As I've been processing this mini drama that has ensued with him this week, he reminded me of that prayer I prayed.

This week I've been a nervous wreck! It's not godly. I'm ashamed to say this whole possible moving thing has really rocked my little world. I have been looking for homes online, driving in neighborhoods prowling for "for rent" signs planted on pretty lawns I can imagine seeing our family in. I've had insomnia. My average knock out time this week has been 3am. I wake up by 7:30 to get Eldest ready for school. I've been a Nervous Nelly. My level of anxiety has actually surprised me!

While I was making a random search in the early evening one night last week, I stumbled (through a series of links I was not able to retrace) across this cute little home in a suburb north of the city I live in that sang to me from the screen. 3 bedrooms- I need that! 2 baths- I need that! Good neighborhood- I don't need that but Forever Mom thinks she does so, it's a plus. Pets OK- Uh-Oh will be happy that this listing doesn't threaten her residency with us. Under $1000/mo- No way! I called and left a message. Then I started the waiting game.......

Tick tock tick tock.........the weekend. Tick tock tick tock........Monday. Tick tock tick tock........Tuesday. Dang it! I missed her call! Crap. Lemme leave a message. "Hey this is Fiery Wife. I like that house you're renting. I wanna see it! Call me back." Tick tock tick tock.....Wednesday. Tick tock tick tock......Thursday morning. "Hey this is Fiery Wife again. Please give me a call back. I wanna take a look at the property. You don't know this, but I've already trolled the neighborhood, and talked to the neighbors and they seem pretty cool. I wanna tell 'em about Jesus after we get friendly. And I really wanna find some place to live before it gets cold. Oh yeah and did I mention our current landlady has gone ghost and I haven't had any contact with her for nearly 3 weeks? Did I also mention I won't be depositing any rent in her bank account until I do hear something from her? I need this house! I need it! I'm scared! I also noticed that the property has a basement. I don't care if it's finished or not. All you need is a rug and some toys to make a play room anyway. Please give me a call back so I can schedule an appointment. Have a great rest of the day and hope to hear from you soon! Byeee." I hope she couldn't hear all that behind my cheery message. Tick tock tick tock.......Friday. "Hey again. It's me. You probably already know my voice.... you know what I want and I've called three separate times. I thought you wanted to rent the place?!? Please give me a ring at your earliest convenience. Have a wonderful day." Well, those were the messages I left in my head. My actual messages were more boring and polite. 

After all that really good stalking (encouraged by a fellow fiery wife), I missed her call. She left a message and said there would be an agent showing the property at 1pm. I know what that means- Competition. Crap! My stomach was in knots. I could feel my chest tightening up. Twice this week, two different people have sent me the "be still and know that I am God" scripture. I've been trying to varying degrees of success. After I found this listing, I stopped looking for other houses and just asked God to make it clear if this was the home for us. He made me wait until Friday so He could reinforce His message in my heart- "be still and know that I am God". I'm being refined by fire. The crucible. I hate the crucible but love how I come out- more focused on God. 

photo credit- http://www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/

I saw the house. It was a nice little house. It had weird wallpaper in the bathrooms but, overall, it wasn't bad. The basement was unfinished but it actually was in decent shape. Nothing a few curtains, area rug and cool furniture couldn't remedy. I put my application and deposit down with 3 other people. That anxiety crept back up on me. I gotta keep my eyes on God. He's got this. 

God does this to us often. He makes situations so that Husband nor I can take any credit for what just happened. Time and time again, He's more clever than us.He's more on-time than we could ever be; and he knows exactly what we need and how we need it. "Be still and know that I am God Fiery Wife." 

I cried in front of my husband. He encouraged me to give my fears and anxieties to God. One of my bestest of friends called me from Chicago. She had been praying for me; talking to God about me today. She asked God to give me stability by means of a residence. God told her "I am her stability."  I'm grateful she was obedient and shared those words with me. I needed to hear that. They were right on time. I cried some more. 

God is my Rock. I can hide behind Him. He can weather storms that would leave me bloodied and mangled by life's shore. When you hide behind something, typically you hunker down and get real close to them. It's like I've been behind God, running in circles, flailing my arms, and yelling really loud. Can you say counterproductive? God's like "Be still and know that I am God. I am your stability. Not this potential house. Not the one you're in or the apartment you were in before. Stop flailing about, hunker down, and get close to me. I got you! I am home." 

Ok God. I'm going to praise you in advance. I praise you if we get this house because it will totally be you and only you who allowed it to happen. I praise you if we don't get this house because my security doesn't dwell within those four walls; it dwells in You! And if you said no to this, that means you got something way better for me and my family. I got some more waiting to do. Monday we're supposed to have an answer. Readers, I'll let you know how it goes. 

Is There Anyone Else Out There Sick and Tired of the ALS Ice Water Challenges?!?

Ok. I'm tired. I'm tired of seeing people dump ice water on their heads. I'm tired of seeing girls clothesline themselves after running away from the water. I'm tired of seeing old lady boobs after they wash away their tube tops with a huge bucket of ice water. I'm tired of celebrity challenges, groups of giddy cheerleaders and droves of regular people blindly dumping water on themselves. Stop it already! You've given the ALS Association 4 years worth of donations in one summer. The campaign was a success! Congratulations!

The issue is not donating to the ALS Association, it's the fact that people are doing it because it's trendy; because it gives them a reason to pour water on themselves. I wonder how many people just dumped some water on their head and didn't donate a dime. If you did the challenge but didn't donate, that's kinda douchy. The idea behind the challenge isn't bad. Donating to a good organization isn't bad. But this right here? This right here? This ice bucket challenge right here, has become something on another level.

Misguided Donation Dollars
Your donating dollars are precious and you should treat every dollar as if it were still backed by gold! If you did the challenge and donated, no, you didn't make a mistake. Who can fault you for donating to a good cause? I'm not going to. But I'm going to challenge you, the next time you do decide to donate, to educate yourself and send your dollars to an organization that
1. you have an interest in
2. impacts you or your family in some type of way
3. is well established and reputable
4. allocates your funds in a way that sits well with you and your pocketbook
I dare say, many of ya'll that did the challenge, didn't think past a bucket of ice water, your camera phone, and your ice bucket hit list.

Sustainability of Your Donation
If asked, everyone cares about starving children. Everyone cares about cancer. Everyone cares about endangered species. Everyone cares about the environment. The vast majority of us have a compassionate heart. There are many organizations out there who want the compassionate money that your compassionate heart compels. The battle over many global and social issues is ongoing. Here's a novel idea: again, think about something that has moved or impacted you- be it a disease, or a social cause and do more than just post witty memes on you Facebook page. Put your money where your mouth is and budget a portion of your yearly salary (even if it's less than 1%) and PARTNER with an organization!

Here's a for instance:
My 4 year old youngest son was diagnosed with Sickle Cell (SC) Disease at birth. That's a disease that just by my son's diagnosis has impacted my ENTIRE family. Sickle Cell Disease is a rarer genetic disease (similar in it's rarity to ALS) that affects the shape of a person's red blood cells. September is Sickle Cell Awareness Month. I feel compelled to share about it, particularly this month because it is a disease that hits close to home so I'm already emotionally invested in eradicating and kicking Sickle Cell's ass if at all possible. If I'm looking into donating my money to a foundation, this would be a good starting place. I should probably get my booty on the internet and research the various organizations related to the disease and choose which one is the most reputable and best fit for my budget and has the best intentions for my hard-earned dollars. I haven't done this yet but I've just totally convicted myself to do so. Real time. Gosh! I hate when that happens.

Photo: Jag_cz Getty Images/iStockphoto)

Don't judge those who don't participate.
I've seen some interesting posts by people who didn't participate in the ice bucket challenge. They were all very apologetic in nature and gave me the feeling like these bloggers felt that if they didn't explain why they're not doing it and what they are doing in the way of philanthropic endeavors; that the Ice Bucket Gestapo would gather them up and give them 20 lashes with a cat-o-nine tails dipped in ice water. Everyone has their reasons! Here's another for instance: My 4 year old....... he would probably never ever participate in such a challenge because extremely cold water and people with a Sickle Cell diagnosis don't mix. The sudden shift in temperature could onset a pain crisis that could put them in the hospital. Just sayin'........

In short, think before you act. Even if it's a good cause. Make your dollars count. And finally, don't be all judgy and stuff. You definitely look better drenched in ice water than cloaked in judgement!

If you'd like to learn more about Sickle Cell Disease, check out this link! Or this one. Or this one too.


Check this link out to see what the ALS Association says about its giving practices.