Ponderings on the Fierwife Sub - culture

So, I'll admit. I'm new to all of this. My husband has been an official fireman for almost 4 months. He had 7 months of training so he's nearing a year of doing "fire-manish" things. I have no problem admitting that I am acclimating myself to this brand new chapter of our life. It's different but I don't feel traumatized or emotionally damaged by this experience. If anything was traumatic, it was academy. I thought that would be the easiest on our family but I was wrong. Academy was horrible. They worked the hell out of my husband physically and mentally and then he would easily have 3-4 hours of studying when he came home. So a typical day for us was him leaving waaaaaay before the sun rose, me handling the household, him returning home around 4 or 4:30, him leaving to his "office" (ehm, the bedroom) to study, then me constantly hushing the children so he could study. I definitely was ready for him to be done with academy. When he wasn't studying he was soaking, icing, bandaging, or putting a heat pack on some part of his body. I dressed an incredible amount of bloody knees, elbows and injured body parts. Now I know why a lot of firemen marry nurses- they're always beat up and it's easier to have at-home health care. At times he felt culturally out of touch being a city boy (a BIG city boy) in a room full of country boys.  But, graduation came, (one of the proudest days of my life) and left, and the 24/48 shifts started with no fanfare. He was a fireman.

During the academy process, a friend of mine from church (who ABSOLUTELY coincidentally happens to also be married to a fireman) told me to check out some of these firewife websites. I googled them and discovered this strange world of "firewife-dom". It is a subculture of women who devote their websites and blogs to fire-wife support, encouragement, and talking about how heroic their "firemen" are. Seems admirable. But as I read some of those blog posts, something rubbed me the wrong way about them. I kept reading logs of their days and it all seemed mundane to me. Nothing eventful; just typical. But what truly struck me as odd is how they had seemingly put their husbands on some fiery, charred pedestal. Some referred to their husbands as "My Fireman" or "My FF". They shared about frustrating days with children and step-children, calls from their husbands, and problem-solving tasks that appeared mundane. Wives freaking out because of lost batteries and husbands debating wether or not to come home to find the batteries..........This is what I stumbled upon. I wanted to know more about them and less about the deification of their husbands. But to be honest; in some unhealthy and deviant way, I couldn't get enough of it!  I poured over and trolled for blog after blog and there was no shortage of sappy prose. It was hilarious to me! I couldn't relate in any way to any of these women. If it did anything more for me than be my personal internet literary Real Houswives (totally watered down), it brought up questions about myself and where I fit in this lifestyle.

Do I not relate to these women because I am Christian?
The FF life is not my life; it doesn't define me. I try very hard not to deify my husband. I could care less if I never had a fire-wife friend. I like the friends I have and I don't need a "firewife" to identify with the issues that exist for me as a wife and mother.  I strive to live my life for Christ; trying my best to follow Him. But I have observed, in my husband's short tenure thusfar, that many people live for this culture. All of their friends are fellow firemen, and all of the wives friends are fellow firemens' wives. These women wear cutsie gear that brands them and attend firewife conferences and join firewife forums and become members of firewife websites. They put on formals (like a return to high school) and many other things I'm sure I've not been made privy to just yet. But, many fireman and their families are Christian. So, I'm not sure if following Jesus is the separation I feel from these women.

Is there something wrong with me because I don't pine over my husband when he's on his 24?
The women whose blogs I read seem to worry incessantly about their husbands when they're on shift. They miss sleeping in the bed with their husbands. They don't watch the news because of the stress of seeing a fire their husband may be fighting and possibly hearing/seeing bad news. Ok. Those things are legit and there is definitely an element of danger to a fireman's job. But I love hearing my husband's stories! Some are funny, tragic or heart breaking. I can see the grief on my husband's face when he tells me of a cardiac arrest who didn't make it. How he was straddled over this man pointlessly doing chest compressions because this poor soul was more than dead. My husband was visibly pained describing the look on the patient's coworkers faces as they rushed him out of the office building where he had just arrived. I'm sure that man didn't think he'd be leaving so soon.  

I like being there for my husband to listen to his stories; I don't want him to bottle those things up or feel when he gets home he has to put on a front about his emotions. So I stand in the kitchen (that's where we usually end up in the mornings when he gets off shift) and laugh with him when he talks about "my foot hurt" stories and give him a hug and let him be sad when he tells of cardiac and stroke patients that didn't fare well.

Regarding the whole bed thing, I like sleeping spread eagle in my bed when he's on 24. That's all I got to say about that.

 I don't worry about my husband. I don't fear his profession. I don't spend endless nights up thinking about if I'll see a fireman other than my husband meet me at my door with bad news. I can't do that. 

If I'm being honest, the fears I have are little creeping fears in the future. Will my husband have a healthy back or knees in 15 years; or will he be considering cortisone injections or surgery? What about the increased likelihood of prostate, thyroid, or lung cancer? How many firefighters deal with those issues?  I worry that my husband, after a long and successful tenure at the fire department may one day have a heart attack at a desk. Those are the types of fears I have. But I pray (just to clarify, not those sappy recycled prayers I see plastered all over those FF wife blogs) for my husband's long-term health and our long-term marriage. I pray for well-adjusted children and against cancers and heart attacks and worn-down bodies. I pray for my husband's mind. I pray he won't be traumatized by what he sees. I pray for good solid men of Christ to come around him when he's on shift and that when I'm not around he's being encouraged and encouraging others about the freedom Christ has supplied in his life.

Are there others out there like me?  
We are all searching to belong. Even me. I don't belong to this subculture. I don't feel folded into this community. I don't feel alienated but I don't have much in common. I know my one ff wife friend is similar to me. We've actually had dramatic readings of other FF wife blogs and laughed until we were pink in the face then laughed some more. She gives me hope that there are more of us out there but I've yet to meet them. Please, let me know if you exist. I'd love to chat. If you are similar to the firewives mentioned above, I'd love to chat with you too and understand you better. 

Fiery Wife